Sunday, 18 March 2018

Silence

Numerous individuals have asked me why I went silent suddenly and for so long. It was not for lack of want or will but because I had no choice. Legal proceedings surrounding my divorce and what I went through acquiring it bound me to a silence. There is still much I am not permissed to discuss though those who know me know that I have always been one to refuse quieting. However, in this instance, my children are worth more to me then exposing injustices of failing systems and sharing the details of our story over these last two years. I will say the little I believe can not be held against me. I am now happily divorced. I have moved 4 times thus far. I have been homeless. I’ve slept in a hostel a short while. I was not afraid to escape domestic abuse. My 2nd child who always had a unique bond with Ginny was diagnosed with high functioning autism/Aspergers just as I’d known she should have been, I think my 4th may also receive a similar diagnosis in future. I had a 5th baby girl, she was absolutely gorgeous, born in her 22nd week of gestation, after numerous hospital ‘mistakes’, I fell apart as I watched her die over an hour and a half because the NHS only requires oxygen to be given after the 24th week. A part of me died with her that I will never recover. I am expectant again but can not find joy in this pregnancy as I am still grieving the loss of my youngest. Her name was Erin Love and she will forever be irreplaceable. My other girls are gorgeous as ever. I can not believe how much Ginny has progressed at her new school and I am so proud of her though terrified of the changes soon to come. Melody’s diagnosis was an incredible relief as she can now receive the best support for her at school. For now I believe this is all I am allowed to mention but there is a chance that even writing this can cause me further aggrievance as writing on my own personal Facebook page and comments mentioned whilst being stalked have been used against me. It is rather apparent to me now that unless you are happy with the way the system in the United Kingdom works you are willing to comply in silence and allow wrongdoers to remain unnamed.

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